hello
i'm not sure if writing this and sending this to you before the year ends is the right thing to do, but i'm gonna send it anyways. because i believe that what happened this year should stay in this year only. before reading everything, i want to apologize for everything, this year has been cruel to the both of us.
okayyy sooo, when we first had our cool off earlier this year, i knew right there and then that either it will make our relationship stronger or it will just give us some time before ending things. i opened up a lot of things to you, some of which are old issues that kept appearing despite talking about it multiple times. that time, i thought telling those things to you will finally fix our relationship, but i was wrong. because looking back, i finally realized what was wrong in this relationship. it's not just about you making me feel you don't love me enough — the lack of effort and respect from you, wasting the chances i gave, and still expecting that everything's gonna go back to normal, but also because i stopped believing that you'll finally listen. i stopped believing that you'll use the chances i gave to fix everything. i stopped believing that oneday, you'll finally understand how to love me like i want to.
and when we broke up last august? i thought i was done. that finally, i can't hurt you anymore. i never thought that we'll still keep in touch, much less still act like lovers. that finally, my mind will be ay peace with the constant overthinking. that i am finally done waiting for you to do something. but i was so wrong in many things. we stayed in contact despite us knowing that this will eventually end. that those moments after our break up was just borrowed times before our paths separates. so thank you for those times. you proved that you can actually be better for someone you love, you were just too late. i just hope that someday, it won't be too late again. maybe for some other girl, but still, i hope it won't .
i rarely acknowledged that most of the fault was mine, because i was too focused on how much you hurt me. too focused on how i will tell my pain that i sometimes forgot yours. in the letter i gave you, i talked about how i got tired of waiting for things to get better, and at some point it did. you improved, not much but still. you listened, you surprised me in ways i didn't think you could, you managed to make me feel loved, but it was all too late as you only did it after we broke up. i am not blaming you, because i know that you felt guilty for making me feel that way, for constantly asking for efforts and such. i know you didn't mean for it to happen, that that's the only way you know how to love and with me constantly asking for more, it probably felt like you're being pressured.
prior to writing that letter i gave you, i realized that with the thought of never fully trusting you again, it will always end up with us hurting each other more. and the reason i'm writing this is because i've come to realized that keeping in contact with you will hurt you more in the future if this continues. because i know that despite saying that things are okay between us, there will be days that i will think about how you never listened, how you don't understand my love language, how you lack effort, among many others. For so long I tried to fix everything as much as I could just so we won't have to let each other go. Every mistake, every misunderstandings, every fight, I forgave you and tried to forget it too, but I just couldn't. And for every time I forgave you, a little piece of me breaks because i know it won't be the same. And before I knew it, there's only a little part of me left to give to you.
I'm truly sorry. For the misunderstandings, for the words left unsaid. I'm sorry, i really am, for having this toxic trait that ruined us. I'm sorry that i couldn't bring myself to forget everything. I'm sorry for everything, krishan. I'm sorry for being a coward, ending things like this. This is the only way I know how to, because I never want to see the hurt in your face. I take full responsibility of hurting you — intentionally or not.
Thank you for the life that we shared. Thank you for everything, for taking care of me, for making me happy, for holding my hand when things get rough, for every food you paid for, for every gift you gave me, especially for every chocolates you gave me. Letting you go is my way of stopping myself from hurting you even more. But this also means I'm letting go of something that has become so significant for me.
As the new year approaches, i think it's finally time to stop hurting each other. I think we've had enough of that this year haha. I just wish you peach, happiness, and healing. Thank you for being the best part of my year, baby.
I wish you the best, baby. I want to see you win in life and be proud of yourself. I want you to have everything you've prayed for. Become the person you always wanted to be. Whatever happens to us, I'll always support you in every way I can. If you've reach this far, I hope you understood everything I wrote. We don't know what the future holds for us, but please never forget that you're the greatest thing that happened to my life.
See you around.