Dear Saeed,
I guess this place has become the only space where i pour everything i can’t say to you. how fucking ironic huh? i kept hoping you’d just know it was me that somehow you’d feel it too but i can’t tell anymore if it’s your pride keeping you from reaching out or if i’ve just been holding onto something that only ever existed in my head but then again if it was truly just delusion why does it still feel like there’s a thread between us that never fully snapped?
i’m so exhausted of masking like i’m okay in front of everyone i’m tired of filling my days with noise just so i don’t have to feel this but nothing is working. Every night it all crawls back, our memories your voice your touch even the way your smile formed the way your faint lines appeared beside your mouth when you used to laugh it all replays in my head no matter how badly i want it to stop. I truly wish i could talk to you but i’m terrified of reaching out and being met with silence and confirming the heartbreak i’ve been trying to avoid.