How does it feel to be yearned for? I yearn for you every single day. I dream about us, and how your soft hand brushes along mine. Our fingers intertwined as I tell you about my day. I can still feel how soft and delicate your fingers were.
It's been a year, but I still miss our banter. I miss the smell of your perfume, and how our eyes lock every time. I can still feel your gaze, and how good it felt being stared by you. My heart aches every day just thinking about how we didn't have a chance, and how our first date was never followed by another.
I hated the way you looked at her, and how easy it was for you to notice her, to acknowledge her, to choose her. I hate how she treats you and how she makes you feel unworthy. I hated everything she had that I could live without. I hate realizing that I was never there — I was never your option to begin with. I hate the time when I ignored you for good, and how my heart ached so bad when I saw you there. But oh god, how I loved the time when I was your friend, admiring you silently — from a far. It hurts to think about our memories, and how blurred our paths had become.
I didn't get the chance to tell you how much I loved you, and how far the risk I was willing to take if only you confessed and be brave. But our paths had become so blurry and clear enough for me to see — our story didn't even start before it had ended. So soon that I regret not holding you closer, if only I knew that that'll be the last time to hold you — I wouldn't let go, not yet.
I wish for a happy ending to our story, maybe not in this universe, no. But I love to think that there was a time when holding you wasn't so impossible for me to reach. Mahal kita, my almost.