Dear Ri,
One day and a few hours before September 14, 2025. Could've been our first month together.
Last night, I was reminiscing our old conversations. I don't know how far I went back, but maybe far enough that I wrote this message which you're probably not expecting to receive from me, but it just feels wrong not to send it. To tell you, I don't regret anything that had happened between us before the break up. Because at one point, it was all I ever wanted. You were all I ever wanted. In fact, I'm happy. You made me genuinely happy even for a short while. And I feel like I haven't thanked you enough for that. I really appreciate all the late night talks, the kulitan, the sweet moments, every moment we shared. We may not have been the best together, we may have had our flaws and short-comings, but the connection we had was real and we both know that.
I'm gonna be honest, I do miss you. Sometimes. And I keep myself occupied with work, that way I can get you off my mind. Although, when I find myself free, my hand subconsciously does its things and I find myself reading our old convos. And sometimes I ask myself, what if I did better? What if I used another approach? There's so many what ifs. And I can't help thinking about what you said back then. I am not too perfect, I was never even close. Because if I was, I would've kept us together. I was to blame for reaching for the stars. And I'm sorry for making you feel worthless, you're not. I can't go to sleep letting you take all the blame for our break up. I was selfish and only thinking about myself and what I feel that I failed to see things from your perspective that time. You deserve so much more than what I could give. And I wish that you find someone who could provide everything that I couldn't.
And even though we ended in not-so-good terms, you still have me as your kakampi. That did not and will never change. So if the world gets too harsh on you, if everything gets too overwhelming, and if everyone had turned their backs on you and you feel like you're all alone, you can always run to me just like before.
I don't have any more to say. I hope you're taking care of yourself. Good luck on your studies and everything.
Thank you for sparing your time to read this (if you ever did). You're not obligated to respond, and I'm not expecting any. But if you read this message, please give a sign so I know.
I'm rooting for you always, in all ways.
– Ken